Straight People

I love straight people because they can hold hands where ever they go. It is their birthright, after all.

I love straight people because they can know each other for a day and get married.

I love straight people because they can get divorced and married in the same day.

I love straight people because when my wife and I are holding hands, it is the most fascinating thing they have ever seen. I know we're not Ellen and Portia, but feel free to take a picture already.

I love straight people because they are constantly reminded that they're not only better than me, but their love is more natural. And they believe it.

I love straight people because they think their relationships hold more weight. The laws are set up for them to think they are something special.

I love straight people because the movies made about them have nothing to do with their sexuality.

I love straight people because they make the laws.

I love straight people because they get to have unplanned pregnancies.

I love straight people because they make better soldiers.

I love straight people because they can check into a hotel and request one bed without an eyebrow being raised.

I love straight people because they can eat off each other's fork in a restaurant without the dining room breaking out in whispers.

I love straight people because they conveniently forget they, too, are revolting to think about.

I love all the straight people in my life. Really. I do. No fooling. The aforementioned examples apply to the straight people I don't know. You know who you are.