The List: Part Two

Here are more examples of certain behaviors that are guaranteed to get you kicked off my list of respectable human beings. Once again, enjoy.

When there are twenty cars in front of me, and you insist on riding my bumper so closely that I can't see your headlights. Okay. I get it. You're in a hurry. But I can't go anywhere. And neither can you. Gosh, if I could, I'd pull over and let you know that you really are important. But I'm in the midst of getting where I need to go. We all are. Sorry. You'll have to wait your turn. Too bad, too. Because I'm sure wherever you're headed is really important--the kind of place those of us in front of you couldn't possibly understand. Off the list, All Powerful Being!

When you insist that gay marriage goes against all laws of nature, but you take fertility drugs to the point you pop out six kids. Yeah, that's natural. Off the list, hypocrite!

When you tell me you know how bad the food you're about to shove in your face is but eat it anyway. Just keep your mouth shut, in both regards. Off the list, Reece's Pieces!

When you pull out in front of me, causing me to slam on my breaks, and you glare at me like I'm the asshole. Next time, why don't you really send the message home and flip me off too. That will really teach me a lesson. Off the list, Asshole!

When I'm trying to merge onto a two lane highway, and you're in the right lane with no one beside you, and you can't get over to let me in. It's just the two of us here. What are you going to do? I have to hit the breaks or gun it so I can get over before my merge lane ends. You know what, jackass? Next time, I'm not giving in. I'm going to keep driving, into the gravel, into the grass, into the big-ass hill, and you can watch as my car explodes. Is that what you want? IS IT!?!? Off the list Grim Reaper!

If you missed the first list and are curious to know if you made it or not, check out the original list posted on 10/12. Until next time, thanks again to everyone who's still on the list. You are the spike to my punch. The garter to my belt. The bitch to my slap. You are all truly wonderful.