Commercials

1. An older gentleman, sitting in an armchair, is explaining how he has missed weddings and babies being born but has never missed a Superbowl.

Wow, Jerry. Good for you, buddy. I'm sure the billion dollar industry that is the NFL really appreciates your loyalty. I bet you're lauded with flowers and poems and hugs and a suite. Oh? You sit out there with all the other faceless fans and throw money at people who have plenty?

I hope your family realizes how wonderfully special you are.

2. A curly-headed child is sitting in the backseat of his father's car. He's explaining what the car needs to have in order for it to be entertaining for him to sit in it (dvd player for sure!), while another little boy is sitting in the backseat of his parents' car while they sing passionately off tune.

Hmm.

Last I checked, nine-year-olds didn't have $25,000 plus to buy a car. The child should be grateful he isn't walking instead of looking at the other little boy like he's living large while the little boy suffers. And the little boy should be grateful his parents are still together, having fun, finding cheaper ways to entertain him, and each other, while driving to Wal-Mart or Chuck E. Cheese.

Let the curly-headed demand maker have all he wants: take it out of his college fund.

3. Women are clustered together. They lose their shit when they find out he went to Jared.

<Silence. Toe tapping.>

Um, shouldn't the big announcement be, The love of my life proposed, and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together? No? I've got it twisted? It is a big deal he went to Jared? My bad.