If I had a quarter for every time someone asked me which one of us--my wife or I--was the man, it wouldn't amount to much, but it would be enough to go to Starbucks for a week.
The only response I have ever had to this question is neither of us is the man; hence, the reason we are lesbians.
I don't know why it is so hard for the straight community to understand that same sex relationships are just that: same sex. Believe me, no one needs to have a penis to make it work. And no one needs to be classified as the male role.
It's unfortunate that roles in the straight community haven't changed much in the last sixty-plus years. Some straight women have no idea what would happen if they got a flat tire and their only resource was to call a woman. It takes a man to change a flat tire! Who would take out the trash? Mow the yard? Wash the car? Change the oil? Chase off intruders? Oh, the anarchy of it all!
My wife and I share the roles that are divied up in a straight relationship. I wield a mightier shovel while she can carry a shit-load of wood. As far as the bedroom is concerned, one of us being the man would only make sex disgusting.
If you're still wondering which one of us is the man, there's nothing more I can do to help you. It's a shame, really, if you take the time to think about why it is you're asking in the first place.
This is one of the topics that gets my ire up. The same comment is often thrown at gay men... "Which one of you is the girl?" Seriously? Please go away.
ReplyDelete"Roles" in relationships is an idea whose time, I think, is done. There are chores, or tasks, if you prefer. SOMEONE should wash the dishes, SOMEONE should take out the trash, SOMEONE should mow the lawn, SOMEONE should chase the crazy person out of the driveway. Does gender really matter in any of these situations? If a same sex couple has children, do they tell the child to call one of them Mommy and one of them Daddy? DOES IT MATTER EVEN IF THEY DO?
No, of course not. The real root of the concept of "roles" in a relationship originally started, I think, with the idea of a "breadwinner". And because we have had such a patriarchal society, we have a deep rooted "collective consciousness" style assumption that there must be a "man" in every household to "bring home the bacon", and do all the "hard" stuff, while the "woman" raises the children, keeps the house clean, and "services" the man (because those things AREN'T hard, apparently).
But if people would take an honest look, they'd see that every couple, gay or straight, works these things out between the two of them (if they have an honest relationship, anyway). We SHARE all of the responsibilities of having a home, having a family, and living life. People need to realize that there is no point to a "gender based" role system any more.
Ugh. I think you may have inspired me to write a longer blog post...
Get it, Josh!
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