Sunday, December 19, 2010

Open Letter: Michael Vick, P.S.

Dear Michael,

Pardon my familiarity, but since we've done this before I feel like I can call you Michael.

So, Michael. You want a dog.

You had a good thing going. You really did. You should have kept your head down and continued your successful rise from dog-killing bastard to respectable human being. But your ego just had to go and do something stupid. I imagine your PR machine did everything it possibly could to keep you from saying something so completely asinine. People were starting to forget your crimes against the animal community. They were starting to see you in a different light.

Thank you for reminding us that you suck.

Much like it is not permissible for a pedophile to adopt a child, you should not be permitted to own a dog. My apologies if that sounds harsh, but come on. I mean, you didn't think you could actually say something like that and there wouldn't be backlash, did you? Oh, you did? Yeah, I guess I understand. You're starting to think you're something special again. Makes sense because a lot of people are telling you that very thing.

It's too soon, fucking asshole.

Whack-A-Muse

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