Sunday, December 12, 2010

Metamorphosis

About six years ago, I returned to my hometown to visit my family. Cigarettes were smoked. Home cooked meals were eaten. Pictures were taken. Overall, it was a pleasant and fun experience with my family.

Several weeks later, my mom sent me the highlights of the pictures taken. I was excited. Now I could share my experience with my wife and have images to back up the stories.

I ripped the manilla envelope open. My tiny hand reached inside and pulled out the pile of pictures like I had found buried treasure. 

I looked at the pictures. My mouth dropped open. I almost shit my pants.

There I was, standing next to my grammy, looking like I had been inflated like a Macy's Day Parade balloon. My face equaled two of my grandmother's. I looked like I could have swallowed her whole. I could see the fat spilling from my back as my shirt tried desperately to hold it all in. 

I asked my wife, Is that what I look like!?

What could she say? Of course that's what I looked like. It wasn't the humidity that made me look like a puffy lesbian. 

In all fairness, I knew I had gained some weight, but I had no idea, until I saw those pictures, that I was on the road to pushing for maximum density.

In that moment, seeing myself so unhealthy, so beefy, so unlike the me I used to be, I told my wife it was time for a change. No more buying cases of soda. No more eating whatever the hell I wanted whenever I wanted. Just no more. I could not allow myself to be that woman I was looking at.

With my wife's help and my own determination, I started my transformation. 

<Play upbeat, inspirational song while you watch as the food on my plate goes from cheeseburgers and milkshakes, to chicken and potatoes, to pasta and cheese, to whole grains and non-animal proteins. While you watch as I walk on the treadmill, and then jog on the treadmill, and then run on the treadmill, and then run up and down mountainous roads and trails.>

Ta-da!

I was an overweight, stagnant, food-addicted slug. And now I'm a nonsmoking, yoga-doing vegan and a runner. Me. A runner! I used to curse running, pointing out people who I saw running as insane. I can only hope that when you pass me by, you say I'm crazy too.



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