Movie Scripts

Say someone has know you for ten years.

And say this someone has not only known you for ten years, but has been married to you for those ten years.

Now, let's say you go to this person, and you tell them something like, oh, I don't know, something like someone is trying to erase your identity, or you're seeing people do some really weird shit (like turning into zombies or vampires), or someone is trying to kill you. Because, well, they are.

This person, who has known you for ten years, looks at you like you're confused. You're mistaken. Couldn't possibly be. No way, no how. This person tries to calm you. Tries to sooth you by insisting you're imagining things. Seventy minutes later, as your situation really ramps up, it's to the point where this person tries to get you committed or arrested or wants you to take drugs. Because, well, you're fucking crazy.

(Movies insist on using this stale, ridiculous model for building suspense; insist on putting someone in an absurd situation and have everyone they know and love disbelieve everything they're saying.)

But ninety to one-hundred minutes later, what do you know? It is revealed to this person that you were right all along. This person who you have shared a large part of your life with, who you have trusted and loved, is now on the same page because the computer is acting crazy, or they found a body in the freezer, or they watched as someone narrowly missed stabbing you in the face. Whew. What a relief. This person finally believes you. Arms are wrapped around you. Kisses land on your forehead. Let's go home is spoken.

Cue music. Credits roll.

Are you kidding me? Oh, hell no, mother fucker! For sixty to seventy minutes I told you shit was messed up and you kept giving me you're honey-you're-not-right-in-the-head look, so you know what? You can suck it, jackass. I want a divorce. No, you don't get to keep the house. And you are so out of my will. You ruined us when it took you watching someone almost kill me to believe me.

Movies never take this likely response into consideration.

If someone in my life didn't believe me when I tearfully and hysterically told them I saw an old man run down a car and eat everyone inside, I would be pissed. It would not be the time to try and convince me I'm crazy. It would be the time to take up arms and band together.

Whatever, Hollywood. Keep giving us excuses not to believe or trust one another.