Today, I feel like I want to do something different. But that is easier said than done. As long as I write as me, my voice will always be the same. And yet, I'm getting bored with myself.
Why can't I be like Michael Chabon or Zadie Smith, both of whom never seem to run out of clever shit to say. (Please don't think this to mean that I believe myself to be incredibly clever most of the time. If that were the case, I wouldn't bother trying to make a connection to you, the audience. My ego and I would simply jump on the next plane to Las Vegas and get married.) Why can't writing everyday be easier? Why can't ideas come to me like an obedient dog?
I thought about writing a whimsical recipe, but I hate to cook. Besides, Amy Sedaris is far better at it than I would ever be. I thought about writing a clever manual on how to change a flat tire. But, there again is the word "clever", and that poses a problem. When you don't feel anything but an overwhelming urge to please your readership, you're in big trouble.
Aka, I'm in big trouble.
I can't think about what you, the reader, want to read about. When I do, I betray the best part of myself. I have to face it: not all my posts will be hilarious or insightful or even entertaining. But I promise they will always come from an honest place: my heart.
I don't write/blog anywhere near as much as I want (or anywhere near as much as you do), but I've had that same "I want to write so people will read it and LIKE it" feeling before. And it is, in fact, the worst time to try to write. Often, my best writing (which isn't GOOD, just the BEST my feeble mind can offer) comes from those places of honest fear, pain, joy, or introspection. Being clever is fun; being honest is rewarding.
ReplyDeleteIt really sucks, doesn't it? And you're absolutely right, Josh. Thankfully, the rewards far outweigh the fun. That sounds strange but somehow it's true.
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ReplyDeleteHave you ever written anything humorous about the multiple personalities we have? Lol Not crazy...seriously...think about how our personality changes according to whomever we're talking or visiting with at the time. Do you ever notice this??? OMG...I do...and no I'm not CRAZY. lol We adapt to our environments like animals and children.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! It happens right before my very eyes almost every day. And if you listen closely, you can hear someone discuss a topic in a completely different light than they just discussed it with you. I think you might have given me an idea. :)
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