Penises and Vaginas

A vagina is sitting in the darkest corner of a bar, the lip of a beer bottle gently grazing her lips as she takes a long swallow. The day was long. She's been looking forward to a drink since her feet hit the floor that morning.

A penis notices the vagina, sitting alone, looking like she could use a friend. He approaches cautiously. He doesn't want to be lumped in with all those other penises that the penis knows this vagina has had to deal with all her life.

The vagina is cautious. But the penis seems genuine. She invites him to join her. They leave the bar together. The vagina, grateful for the penis's distraction, tells the penis not to worry about wearing his plastic blanket. They marry.

The penis's family refers to the vagina as wife. The vagina's family refers to the penis as husband. Whew. That was easy.

A vagina is sitting in the darkest corner of a bar, the lip of a beer bottle gently grazing her lips as she takes a long swallow. The day was long. She's been looking forward to a drink since her feet hit the floor that morning.

A second vagina notices the vagina, sitting alone, looking like she could use a friend. She approaches cautiously. She doesn't want to assume this vagina is interested in vaginas like her.

The vagina is cautious. But the second vagina seems genuine. She invites the second vagina to join her. They leave the bar together. The vagina, grateful for the second vagina's distraction, tells the vagina not to worry about spilling wine on the carpet. They move in together.

The vagina's family refers to the vagina as roommate? friend? mate? What do we do? The second vagina's family refers to the vagina as girlfriend? partner? significant other? What do we do? It's so uncomfortable. None of this makes any sense.

What doesn't make sense? Moral fabric and outlandish judgment? Bullshit research and unqualified specialists? Fear and ignorance? What is so drastically different from scenario one and scenario two?

Allow me: A penis and vagina together are citizens protected by our nation's Constitution. A vagina and vagina/penis and penis together are not protected by our nation's Constitution.

President Obama finally figured it out. It's just penises and vaginas, not rocket science.