Getting Real

Maybe I watch too much television. I don't think I do, but I suppose it is possible considering I have run out of digits, and appendages, to count the numerous times I have listened to a handful of women - looking casually, seriously, imploringly at me - tell me we need to "stop all the cutesy stuff and get real about what happens in the bathroom." Do you want me to double over and throw up?

I live it. I see it. Every day. Please spare me the somber faces, the subdued tones of voices, the everyone-else-who-sells-toilet-paper-is-off-their-nut marketing campaign. I don't need average "housewives" telling me that toilet paper is about being clean.

You think!?

So, toilet paper is the reason we don't use or hands, or the closest thing to the toilet (fancy hand towel, perhaps)? It's the reason we stay clean? Huh. Well, color me embarrassed for missing such a painfully obvious detail. (I did not, however, know toilet paper also functions in the important endeavor known as No Particles Left Behind.)

I appreciate there aren't any men showcased. I really don't want to get real about what they do in the bathroom. Things hang and, I would think, collide. No good can come from it.

Here's a newsflash: we buy whatever's on sale. Cutesy or "getting real" plays no part. Why don't we get real about how much we're being charged to keep our hands from getting too involved? It's just toilet paper, not fancy hand towels.