Preparation

My behavior yesterday was completely absurd. I definately lost my cool. Anyone who had to deal with me, my sincerest apologies. It was like it was 1776 all over again, and the revolutionary war was taking place in my chest.

But things are back to normal, kind of. I was able to complete, with my wife's assistance, a synopsis of my novel, and I sent it, with my manuscript, along to the agent first thing this morning. I even managed to spell everything correctly. I finally feel like I can breathe again. Now I just want to crawl back into bed and go to sleep.

Because, truth is, I can think about the day someone of importance (not that anyone who has read it up to date isn't important, but they certainly can't get me published) will take an interest in my work. I can think about it, invision it, try to think about how it will feel, but when it comes right down to it, I don't know what I'm going to do, or how truly spectacular it is going to feel. Did I think I would jump out of my chair with my hands over my mouth, repeating, "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," over and over again? Did I think I would run around the work place like there were firecrackers in my ass, telling my bffs between deep breaths, "An agent wants to see my manuscript!"? Did I think I would take off like a screaming eagle to find my wife--who was surrounded by people--and stare at her like a child needing to tell a parent that the toilet was overflowing and there was water everywhere!?

No, I did not.

But seeing how all that actually happened, it just goes to show that you can try to prepare yourself for the important moments in your life, but your preparation will not help you. The elation is unimaginable. The way my heart beat was unlike anything I have ever experienced. My body shook from the inside. If this agent actually likes my manuscript and thinks he/she can sell it, I may very well throw myself through a picture window so I can run down the street and race a motorcycle.

And if the agent doesn't, I'll start preparing myself again.