Lost

I once got lost in bed. I know how it sounds, but still, it is true.

It was in the middle of the night and the bedroom was so dark I couldn't see anything. I couldn't see my wife--a sleeping lump--beside me or our dogs lying on their beds. I had to use my other senses to try and solve the mystery my mind could not wrap itself around--where am I!?

My hands frantically slapped around on the fluffy comforter. Yes, I am in bed, but where am I in bed? I felt like I'd been turned upside down, or sideways, or some kind of way that didn't make any sense. How did I get to be positioned that way? Who was fucking with me? Finally, in a complete state of panic, I called out to my wife, who was only two feet away from me, "HONEY! I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM!"

She calmly and coherently responded, "You're in bed."

"But where in bed?"

Gathering that I wasn't going to let it go and let her peacefully fall back asleep, she snippily said, "Find an edge!"

Find an edge...good advice. So I searched. I found an edge, and then my hand found the wall. Nothing was making any sense. Why did I feel the wall? What edge of the bed was this? How did I get so turned around?

My wife had presented me with a reasonable solution, but it only managed to confuse me more. Like our bed was a plane going down over the Atlantic, I said, "I don't know what's going on!"

My wife sighed loud enough for the walls to shake. I felt the disturbed air of her throwing her covers off.  Her feet padded across the room.

Then the lights came on.

She was standing by the light switch looking less than pleased. I was sitting in the middle of the bed, not turned around, not upside down, but right where I should be. I thanked her, apologized, and we both fell back asleep. (We laughed about it the next morning and still laugh about it today.)

There is no greater feeling than knowing my wife will always lead me back to where I am.