Thanks to chilling temperatures, my wife and I are going on day three without water. While I'm grateful to have electricity, I'm over the empty faucets. And they'll likely remain empty until Wednesday.
Apparently, 2013 wants to see me cry.
I can't wash my hair without my wife's help. Bathing feels old-timey as I crouch in the bathtub and scrub my essentials with a washcloth. I dip a cup into a pot of hot water, fresh off the stove, to rinse. My wife, with her own pot of water, takes my place when I'm finished. It's a sophisticated system.
The dishes, shoved in a cloth bag, came to work with me so they can be washed. Co-workers are kind not to ask what the cookie sheet is for.
I'm not drinking as much water. Food is eaten sparingly. Bathroom "situations" have become...interesting.
What is it about the New Year that likes to hand my ass to me? Remember 2011? Yes, pissing in the bathtub is fun, but the novelty soon wears off, as does the hilarity. I don't need, "We're out of pee water," to replace "I love you," or "What's for dinner," as the most popular saying in 2013 to add color to my life. Really. I don't.
So, 2013, if this is how you want to play it, I've got news for you. It's hard to beat someone who's shameless. I'll keep peeing in the tub. I'll stick to my side of the cookie sheet when my wife and I use it as a plate. I'll even continue driving the dishes around. But you, you're time will run out. Just do me a solid before you go: Don't tell 2014 what I've said.
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