Speaking for Jesus

If politicians, evangelicals, and Walmart shoppers get to speak for Jesus then I'm throwing my hat in to the ring too. And I know Jesus is saying, "Are you fucking kidding me with this nonsense?"

Jesus knows if he were alive today he would live on the streets. He would be out of work thanks to the bursting housing bubble; the modest one bedroom condo--close to the pool so he can do "that trick" the guy in 3B is always begging him to perform--he purchased would be in foreclosure; and thanks to a certain political party's view on the laziness of the unemployed, his unemployment benefits would have expired months ago, extension denied!

While we expect do-gooder prophets to live like paupers, even Jesus thinks this is extreme.

Believe me, Jesus is pissed. Not enough to turn in to an ignorant tea bagger (the political party, not the Castro party) but enough to take to the streets and preach his truth, occasionally teaming up with the guy in Times Square with "The end of days are near" written in childlike scripting on a piece of cardboard.

Gays (modern day lepers), the poor, the downtrodden would have a friend in modern day Jesus. His arms would be open to everyone, teaching love and forgiveness instead of persecution and entitlement, just as he did twenty centuries ago. For someone who preaches about helping the needy and the poor, Jesus would be appalled to get a front row view of the GOP's what's-mine-is-mine-and-everyone-else-can-fuck-off middle finger, especially when most of whom in the party claim they are governing in the name of his father.

Jesus thinks they missed the boat on messaging.

And Jesus thinks having so many people speaking for him is getting confusing. The messages are being misinterpreted. He knows the kind of weight his name carries and throwing it behind any ole idea, like someone's egotistical end of the world prophecy, doesn't make it legit. Stop saying, "In the name of Jesus" and following it up with bullshit like, "evolution is a myth." Jesus is well aware how evolution works and thinks fossils and carbon dating kick ass.

The next time you see a WWJD bumper sticker ignore the fact that the driver just cut you off. Focus instead on modern day Jesus and the fact that he's starving and being denied access to a McDonalds' bathroom.